Doubting Myself and Everything

I was remembering that for a few hours on Tuesday of that first week in Copenhagen, there were thoughts running through my head of why I was doing what I was doing: my masters.

I was thrown into a summer semester abroad where ideally I would have loved to had started in Providence and establish myself there, but then again so many people would love to be in my shoes in Copenhagen. I couldn't take that for granted.

Additionally, strange enough, I think for the first time in my life, I felt old. Not like "I am a grandmother" old or "mid-life" old, but I felt a significant difference between the undergraduate students and the graduate students for the most part. That feeling of old also came with doubting my status as a graduate student. I thought I was making a huge mistake. All of a sudden I felt like running away. From the school, from myself. I think it was all just a small panic I had in a new environment, surrounded by people I didn't know, surrounded by a city speaking a different (and rather difficult) language. And I was throwing myself back in academia after 3 years of being out in the real world.

I just kept telling myself that it was just a matter of adjusting and making the most of this experience. There is a reason why I was accepted to RISD.

In a few hours, I felt great and that I was (slightly) invincible. Of course that is a lie.